A lot has been said about Arranged Marriages. Courtesy Satyamev Jayate.
Many have been discussing about dowry, the ill-treatment of the brides etc etc. But these are all only the effects, the cause lies somewhere else. Here, I am going to talk about not the extremities but about the usual circumstances. Nothing unremarkable about it, or is it?!
It lies in the way we think. Girls born and brought up in a typical Indian atmosphere are told time and again that “Good Girls listen to their parents ALL the time” “Kids who say No to their parents are bad” While they may mean this only in the context that they are saying them. Such repetitive statements make an impression on the young minds.
Then comes an age where it is “high time” that they are married. And then starts the usual parade of guys. And all this takes place without even asking what the girl wants. Sure, they will ask them if they want to get married, but the chances of them asking what kind of a guy they want are slim. At the best, they would ask the girl if she prefers an engineer or a doctor! No wonder engineering colleges are overflowing in our country!
But even if they do ask, I’m guessing the answers would be something like this;
- A person who can make me laugh.a.k.a sense of humor
- A person who is compatible
- A shared sense of right and wrong or a common ground where both can meet
- And many more to jot down..
But how can even the parents find out if the guy has atleast one of these qualities, for it takes months if not years to find out about all this. Here lies my problem with arranged marriage, marriage itself is a huge undertaking but how to go in blindfolded!!
If the girl even tries to explain this to the parents, they just give a blank look and say that “Humne bhi toh arranged marriage ki thi. hum khush nahi hai kya”(We also had an arranged marriage, aren’t we happy) And sometimes when I listen to this, I go :O
Times have changed, it’s much easier to get divorced now!
I told this to my amma and received a solid lecture followed by silent treatment for a week!
But it is true, isn’t it! Thanks to globalization, financial independence and exposure have changed a lot of thoughts. Girls know what they want and they go out to get it. But…
However modern we are, we still have the good old “Sita” somewhere in us, the obedient, patient, relative-roughened lady.( After all, all of us have been tortured by relatives at some time or the other! ) We still like to have parents consent before we set out to do anything, leave alone marriage. And we do things that go against our grain just because of our love towards them and in the hope that things will turn out alright! And they might, but they might not too!
I don’t think that life is all about compromise, some compromise yeah, it unavoidable. It’s a give and take.
But when it comes to marriage, I would rather give than take!